Connect with us

Opinion

Could You Be Abusing Someone on Behalf of a Narcissist?

Published

9 minute read

Today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. Yes, believe it or not, it is a real thing. And it hurts.

We are all good people, right? At least, deep down, I hope we believe that; I mean, what person would intentionally, consciously, go out of their way to hurt and destroy another human being?

We probably have all been in contact with a narcissist at some point in our life. Maybe a boss. A friend. A neighbor. Or like me, even a member of your own immediate family.

Narcissists are very smart and calculating. They have had to be; they have been doing this for a very long time. They are self-absorbed, controlling, intolerant to others and their needs, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen, even though their front is a façade. “Victimized narcissists” can say hurtful things, but if you dare say something back to defend yourself, you are the enemy and considered abusive. There is no sense in debating with a narcissist; they will shift the blame at all costs. They will never see things through your eyes; they are incapable of reflection or feeling empathy. For this reason, sadly, they don’t have the conscious insight that we do to know that they exhibit this behavior.

Narcissists will suck the life out of you and leave you struggling to breathe. Narcissists don’t care that they pit one family member against another, even sibling against sibling if the narcissist happens to be a parent. Yes, the most excruciating pain is the reality that moms and dads can also be narcissists, leaving their children sometimes hating each other. And the one that dares to speak out to this abuse is left feeling defeated, battered, and bruised by the people they love most in this world even though the wounds are invisible to the naked eye (which is another reason why innocent people get caught in the trap of defending the narc).

And if the relationship becomes so intolerable with a narc that you are forced to make a painful decision of quitting your job, moving, ending a friendship, getting a divorce, or even going low or no contact with one or both of the people who brought you into this world, you become public enemy number one; the narc will attempt to destroy you and your reputation at all costs.

“Narcissist’s will DESTROY your life and erode your self-esteem. They do it with such PERSUASION that you are left feeling like YOU are the one letting them down.”

A narcissist’s public persona is very important to them, which is why they don’t publicly attack you—that would make them look bad. Instead, they carefully choose people in their circle to be their puppets. The narc delivers believable-sounding lies to sympathetic ears, ones that can be easily manipulated. Of course, very decent, loving, caring individuals can be caught in the trap of the narcissist and innocently become what is called “flying monkeys.”

A Flying Monkey? Up until a few months ago, I had never even heard the term. But I felt attacked from all directions and so on my quest to understand and survive this abuse I found this in Wikipedia and finally it all made perfect sense. The complicated pieces all came together in my mind: “Flying monkeys is a phrase used in popular psychology mainly in the context of narcissistic abuse. They are people who act on behalf of a narcissist to a third party, usually for an abusive purpose. Flying monkeys are distinct from enablers…. Enablers just allow or cover for the narcissist’s (abuser’s) own bad behavior.”

This is a phrase made popular by the movie The Wizard of Oz—the Wicked Witch sent her flying monkeys after Dorothy and her friends. In most cases, it is a humorous way of saying “Don’t make me come after you.” But there is nothing humorous about being hated and harassed by a flying monkey on its mission to destroy an innocent person. It is unfair, cruel and causes more pain to someone that is already struggling.

So, beware.

You may be a flying monkey if:

You find yourself believing gossip, even though the facts don’t add up.

You are an adult, yet you take sides, instead of staying impartial.

You are mad, stop speaking to someone and possibly hate someone else who has done nothing to you at all.

You accept someone’s version of the truth although you have no first-hand knowledge of the story.

You believe that the one you are defending is the only one deserving of sympathy.

You are overly involved, feeling the need to defend at all costs.

You are attacking someone else over something that quite frankly is none of your business.

And what should you do if you are on the receiving end of this hatred and smear campaign either from a narcissist or their flying monkey?

It is easier said than done sometimes, but keep calm and do not engage. DON’T ENGAGE. The narc is looking for you to react. It gives them fuel. Strength. Power. And they hate nothing more than the silent treatment, as they are then not getting their narcissistic supply.

Breathe. Ignore it. Read books and articles on narcissism. See a therapist. Write. Cry (it does make you feel better). Cry some more if you have to. Heal. Keep breathing.

Live a beautiful, healthy, productive, and happy life and don’t look back. Narcissists hate that and it does make them angrier. But don’t do it out of spite; do it because you are entitled to that. You are. And never let anyone make you feel guilty or beaten down or ashamed that you choose to do what is best for your life.

We are all responsible for our choices and behaviors and the consequences. Knowledge is a gift and you can always change. Say sorry. Forgive. So, if you believe that you have unintentionally been used by a narcissist as their flying monkey, what you do with that knowledge is up to you.

But know that, moving forward, what you do now IS intentional and conscious.

Jodee Prouse is a Sister. Wife. Mom. Friend. And outspoken advocate to help empower ACOA’s through their journey of life; trauma, truth, addiction & breaking free from family chaos to live YOUR best life. She is the author of the powerful memoir, The Sun is Gone: A Sister Lost in Secrets, Shame, and Addiction and How I Broke Free. To learn more visit www.jodeeprouse.com

Author of the powerful memoir The Sun is Gone: A Sister Lost in Secrets, Shame and Addiction and How I Broke Free. Outspoken advocate to help eliminate the shame + stigma surrounding Addiction + Mental Health. Visit www.jodeeprouse.ca or follow on instagram @jodeeprouse

Follow Author

Autism

RFK Jr. Completely Shatters the Media’s Favorite Lie About Autism

Published on

The Vigilant Fox's avatar The Vigilant Fox

They say autism is rising because of “better diagnosis”—but RFK Jr. just blew that narrative wide open. He brought the hard data and dropped one undeniable truth the denialists can’t explain.

HHS Secretary Robert Kennedy Jr. appeared on Hannity Thursday evening and unloaded on the predominant autism narrative. It started with a bombshell reveal from Kennedy’s own childhood.

Hannity asked: “What was the number when you were a kid—and what do you think is going on?”

Kennedy replied: “There’s really good data on that.”

He pointed to one of the largest studies ever conducted—900,000 children in Wisconsin, published in a top-tier medical journal.

“It looked at 900,000 kids. It was published in a high-gravitas journal, peer-reviewed study, and they found the rate to be 0.7 out of 10,000.”

That’s less than 1 in 10,000. Today? It’s around 1 in 31.

Let that sink in.

Join 110K+ Substack readers and 1.6 million 𝕏 users who follow the work of Vigilant Fox.

Subscribe for top-tier news aggregation and exclusive stories you won’t find anywhere else.

That’s when Kennedy sounded the alarm on what’s happening now—and why it’s so catastrophic. He said the rise isn’t just in frequency—it’s in severity.

“Two years ago, it was 1 in 36. The CDC data we released this week shows 1 in 31,” Kennedy said.

“The worst state is California,” Kennedy continued, “which actually has the best collection methodologies. So they actually, probably reflect what we’re seeing nationwide.”

“In California, it’s 1 in every 20 kids, and 1 in every 12.5 boys,” he explained.

Even worse, he said the numbers are likely underreported in minority communities. And for many kids, the symptoms are devastating:

“About 25% of the population of those kids with autism, about 25% of them are nonverbal, nontoilet trained,” Kennedy explained.

“They have all of these stereotypical behaviors, the head banging, biting, toe walking, stimming, and that population is growing higher and higher.”

“It’s becoming a larger percentage, so we’re seeing many more cases that are now linked to severe intellectual disability.”

He says it’s a glaring red warning sign—and it’s past time to start acting on it.

And this was the moment that Kennedy took a flamethrower to the media narrative about autism. He shattered the core excuse we’ve all been fed—that this epidemic isn’t real, that it’s just a change in how we count it.

He’s not buying it.

“The media has bought into this industry canard, this mythology, that we’re just seeing more autism because we’re noticing it more. We’re better at recognizing it or there’s been changing diagnostic criteria.”

But the scientific literature, Kennedy said, says otherwise.

“There is study after study in the scientific literature going back, and they decided that the literature going back says decades that says that’s not true.”

He then cited a major investigation by California’s own lawmakers.

“In fact, the California legislature… asked the Mind Institute at UC Davis to look exactly at that topic. They [asked], is it real or are we just noticing it more? The Mind Institute came back and said, ‘Absolutely this is a real epidemic. This is something we’ve never seen before.’

And he made it painfully clear:

“Anybody with common sense, Sean, would notice that, because the autism—this epidemic is only happening in our children. It’s not happening in people who are our age. And if it was better recognition, you’d see it in 70-year-old men.”

But we don’t.

And after laying out the data, dismantling the media narrative, and exposing the severity of the crisis, Kennedy concluded with a clarion call to get to the bottom of this epidemic.

That’s why he says it’s time to dig deeper—leave no stone unturned, and we may have answers sooner than you think.

“President Trump asked me to find out what’s causing it,” he told Hannity.

“And I am approaching that agnostically. We are looking at everything, we are going to do, we’re going to be very transparent in how we design the studies.”

To get real answers, he’s farming the research out to top institutions across the country—with full transparency from day one.

“We’re going to farm the studies out to 15 premier research groups from all over the country. And we’re going to be transparent about our protocols, about the data sets, and then every study will have to be replicated.”

The list of possible factors is long—and nothing is being ruled out, Kennedy explained.

“We’re going to look at mold. We’re going to look at the age of parents. We’re going to look at food and food additives. We’re going to look at pesticides and toxic exposures. We’re going to look at medicines. We’re going to look at vaccines. We’re going to look at everything.”

When asked how long it would take, Kennedy didn’t miss a beat.

“I think we’ll have some preliminary answers in six months. It will take us probably a year from then before we can have definitive answers because a lot of the studies will not go out until the end of the summer.”

For the first time in decades, someone is asking the hard questions—and demanding real answers.

This time, nothing is off-limits.


Thanks for reading. If you value the work being published here, upgrading your subscription is the most powerful way to support it. The more this Substack earns, the more I can do to improve quality and create the best reader experience possible.

Thank you for your support.

Subscribe to The Vigilant Fox.
For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
Continue Reading

Business

Ted Cruz, Jim Jordan Ramp Up Pressure On Google Parent Company To Deal With ‘Censorship’

Published on

 

From the Daily Caller News Foundation

By Andi Shae Napier

Republican Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and Republican Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan are turning their attention to Google over concerns that the tech giant is censoring users and infringing on Americans’ free speech rights.

Google’s parent company Alphabet, which also owns YouTube, appears to be the GOP’s next Big Tech target. Lawmakers seem to be turning their attention to Alphabet after Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta ended its controversial fact-checking program in favor of a Community Notes system similar to the one used by Elon Musk’s X.

Cruz recently informed reporters of his and fellow senators’ plans to protect free speech. 

Dear Readers:

As a nonprofit, we are dependent on the generosity of our readers.

Please consider making a small donation of any amount here. Thank you!

“Stopping online censorship is a major priority for the Commerce Committee,” Cruz said, as reported by Politico. “And we are going to utilize every point of leverage we have to protect free speech online.”

Following his meeting with Alphabet CEO Sundar Pichai last month, Cruz told the outlet, “Big Tech censorship was the single most important topic.”

Jordan, Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, sent subpoenas to Alphabet and other tech giants such as RumbleTikTok and Apple in February regarding “compliance with foreign censorship laws, regulations, judicial orders, or other government-initiated efforts” with the intent to discover how foreign governments, or the Biden administration, have limited Americans’ access to free speech.

“Throughout the previous Congress, the Committee expressed concern over YouTube’s censorship of conservatives and political speech,” Jordan wrote in a letter to Pichai in March. “To develop effective legislation, such as the possible enactment of new statutory limits on the executive branch’s ability to work with Big Tech to restrict the circulation of content and deplatform users, the Committee must first understand how and to what extent the executive branch coerced and colluded with companies and other intermediaries to censor speech.”

Jordan subpoenaed tech CEOs in 2023 as well, including Satya Nadella of Microsoft, Tim Cook of Apple and Pichai, among others.

Despite the recent action against the tech giant, the battle stretches back to President Donald Trump’s first administration. Cruz began his investigation of Google in 2019 when he questioned Karan Bhatia, the company’s Vice President for Government Affairs & Public Policy at the time, in a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing. Cruz brought forth a presentation suggesting tech companies, including Google, were straying from free speech and leaning towards censorship.

Even during Congress’ recess, pressure on Google continues to mount as a federal court ruled Thursday that Google’s ad-tech unit violates U.S. antitrust laws and creates an illegal monopoly. This marks the second antitrust ruling against the tech giant as a different court ruled in 2024 that Google abused its dominance of the online search market.

Continue Reading

Trending

X