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23andMe; The True Meaning of Family

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I had seen ads many times on my Facebook feed from 23andme, and I have wanted to do it for a long time. The kits offer ancestry breakdown and personalized health insights which have always intrigued me. After all, from the depths of my core, I believe nothing is more important than family.

My desire to know more might be hard for someone to understand, looking from the outside. My god, some people on the inside don’t understand either. They might ask, “How can someone who professes to love her family be estranged from so many of her family members?” From my perspective, I lost my dad, my mother, my sister, and my brother due to alcoholism even though some of them are still alive.

My mom and dad married just before I was born in 1968. After having my brother and my sister, they divorced when I was eight or nine, due to my father’s problem with alcohol. My brother, Brett, my greatest friend, became another alcoholic branch on our family tree and lost his long courageous battle with addiction and mental illness when he was 39.

I had a relationship with my parents and sister until well into my thirties. Not a perfect one, as relationships within the walls of families can be challenging, but a life that included them. I loved them all very much. Even so, our immediate family unit dissolved under the stresses of my brother’s addiction as well as many unhealthy family patterns and blame-shifting. It all became too much.

My brother alone is responsible for his alcoholism; our reaction to it was never his responsibility. For many reasons, including my wellbeing and that of my husband and my two young sons, I made the painful decision to love my father, mother, and sister from afar. I ceased all contact more than ten years ago.

Through years of therapy, I worked extremely hard to be healthy and happy. I had spent too many decades making poor decisions and looking after other people. Finally, I found the courage to look after the needs of my own family first—my husband and sons. And I am most proud to say that I finally looked after myself; I responded to my own needs. That wasn’t and isn’t selfish. For my own mental health it was necessary.

I have always known my dad’s side of the family came from England, as we are all very close, but my excitement and hope in ordering the 23andme kits was to learn a little more about my mother’s side of the family. Growing up I only ever met my mom’s parents, her sister, and that sister’s children, my two cousins. I never met, nor did my mother ever mention, any of her aunts, uncles, cousins, or even grandparents.

My husband of 30 years, Jim, agreed that it would be amazing to learn more about where our families originated. He knows his family came from England too, whereas I was excited with the possibility of knowing where my mother’s parents came from. I had been close to them, as were my brother and sister, but we lost our grandparents when we were still young. My nana died from dementia complications when I was only 18, and my papa died when I was around 25 or 26. I feel blessed that Papa got to meet and spend time with his two great-grandchildren, Rick and Ryan, before he passed away.

Last November my husband and I opened our kits, filled the little tubes with saliva, and sent them off in the mail. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I was so eager to get the results, like a kid waiting patiently to open a Christmas present, and I was disappointed when they didn’t update the information on my online portal as quickly as they had originally promised. Finally, the results arrived on January 15, 2022. I was a little sad as the data seemed a little vague. It confirmed that my relatives came from England, yet there wasn’t much other information. I was looking to know more about my nana and papa, maybe something more exotic, but I suppose that is where their families originated too.

So, after looking it over and analyzing my health data I logged out of my 23andme portal and I doubt I ever would have thought more about it or logged in again.

I was at work just a few weeks later, on February 7, when my phone beeped with an email that had a 23andme logo: “Hey Jodee, My name’s James Dodds and 23andme says that we may be half siblings. My dad, Jim Dodds, was from Ponoka so I am wondering if that’s the connection.”

I was completely calm as I read and responded within ten minutes to this unexpected news. I know everyone is different, but for me I have experienced firsthand how my body and mind reacts when being in shock. After all, I remember clearly when two police officers came to my front door in the middle of the night to tell me my brother had taken his own life. When I shared it with my husband that evening and with my two adult sons, now 29 and 31, they didn’t quite comprehend what it could mean. I knew instantly, not because I could have ever imagined such a thing or that there was a hint of some deep dark family secret, because there wasn’t. I live now, as I did as a young child with my parents, very close to Ponoka, Alberta. This wasn’t someone emailing me from halfway across the world, this was 20 minutes away. DNA doesn’t lie.

The initial shock had worn off by that evening. Random visions started going through my mind, causing floods of tears. My fully clothed dad saving me from drowning when I walked off the edge of a pier during a summer vacation when I was probably five years old. My grandma’s face—it sits in a beautiful frame in my office. Big Tisdale Christmas get-togethers with everyone from my dad’s side of the family at my house. My earliest memory of looking inside eggs with a red light with my grandfather when I was three or four. Being the oldest grandchild. Memories and tears. More memories and tears. And finally, my dad’s siblings—Uncle Les, Auntie Myrna, and Auntie Mary—all of whom have stood by me and supported me through my life’s journey. Never, not once, judging or condemning me or taking sides when it came to my complicated relationship with my father. They have loved me unconditionally, while loving their brother too. I LOVE my family.

Along with the tears came the overwhelming sense of disbelief and pain. My heart has been shattered.

My whole life flashed before my eyes. I knew my mother was pregnant when she got married to my father and since the whole marriage wasn’t blissful, we never talked about any other details after they divorced. As I tried to unwrap all my feelings, not knowing whether my mother lied or took her best guess and married my dad, I had no feeling of rage when I texted her: “I would like to know please your connection (and/or relationship with a Jim Dodds). I don’t need a long story. I don’t need contact with you. Just a simple one or two sentence answer. I would appreciate if you could get back to me within a day as this is time sensitive. Thank you.”

I am aware that this would come to her as much of a shock after 53 years as it did to me. But our estrangement complicated matters and her shock isn’t my responsibility. So, once again, I waited. And waited. And waited some more. It seemed like days, but in fact it was the next morning when I received a reply from my mother: “The only Jim Dodds I ever knew, I dated someone with that name when I was 18.”

I was already sure it was true. He is my biological father.

I don’t think anyone would ever blame me if my initial reaction would be hating my mother. You don’t have to be estranged for that. I think to myself even in the closest of families, this surprise revelation could ruin a mother and daughter relationship and cause tremendous upset. I am as imperfect as anyone, but I never react based on hate or anger. I am not even capable of feeling those emotions.

Life is full of twists, turns, losses, happiness, and hardships. I have lived through my fair share of pain, and this is no different. Pain is not a contest. We all experience it, and there are many different reactions. Sadly, often it is human nature when something bad or traumatic happens to be furious or to want to hold someone else responsible. We blame ourselves, we blame others, sometimes people blame god, but following those emotions will only keep us angry, unhealthy, and stuck in the same place. Instead, I always have a deep-seated hope for everyone, regardless of circumstance, to find the strength to follow empathy, compassion, understanding and love because that path leads to peace. Being all of those things never means that you have to accept relationships that are not good for your own health, happiness, and spirit but I never make important life’s decisions based on toxic emotions.

And so, in following with my head and also my heart, I met with my mother, the first time I have seen her face in nine years.

I don’t know the future of the relationship between me and my mom or if there will even be one. Before our visit, a lot of damage had been done that I am unsure can be reversed but I am putting all of that aside for today. As I share this revelation, I stand beside my mother as I believe her when she says there was no ill intent. She had been dating a bull rider, Jim Dodds, and loved him. But she was so young and had already experienced trauma of her own and had a past with my father. They had a daughter together four years before I was born, in 1964, who was given up for adoption. That connection was why my mom started seeing my dad again. And when she got pregnant at 19, she broke things off with Jim, and told him she was getting married without ever mentioning her pregnancy. With her whole heart she believed my dad was my biological father.

I have cried a million tears the last couple weeks, had many sleepless nights, and swam hundreds of lengths at the pool downtown in Sylvan Lake to calm my mind. And what I realized is that family is so much more than being related by blood. It is about being there for each other, through the good times, and especially the bad. It is the relationships in our lives that provide a sense of security and belonging. It is people that hold your heart gently in their hands. It is about feeling you are in a safe space, never worried someone won’t love you, no matter what you share. Family is about feeling valued, respected, and understood. It is about bumps in the road yet creating memories that are built on pure, unconditional love. Family is being able to say you are sorry when someone says you hurt them.

I am incredibly blessed to have so many relationships in my life that provide all these things and more, many of whom are friends that I wholeheartedly consider my family. We live in a beautiful world, where children continue to be adopted, people get divorced and then remarried with blended families, foster parents, surrogacy, and IVF sometimes with anonymous donors. Even same sex couples are fulfilling their dreams of becoming parents. There are many scenarios, and all of those people are no less loved, no less connected and no less family than those that share DNA. I always knew this; it just took a few days to catch my breath.

As much as my dad and I had our own challenges throughout the course of our lives, I loved him very much. This is not a win for me. I never, not once, wished for or longed for a different father. He passed away in February 2018. As much as our own conflicts and estrangement, I think this would have broken his heart.

I am still continuing to process, and my biggest source of pain and disbelief right now, is that my biological father Jim passed away on February 18, 2021, just over a year ago from cancer. He will never know that I was born. We will never get the opportunity to meet and he will never know his amazing grandsons.

There is no regret from me or desire to change the course of any of our lives, because, had my mom, my dad, or Jim Dodds known, the alternative would be worse than what we are all faced to accept today. Any other decision would change the course of so many different lives. Others quite likely would never have been born, such as my newly discovered half-siblings Jaime, James, and Jade as well as the brother I lost ten years ago. So as hard as it is to work through all of my emotions, things worked out as they should.

For me, I would never want to alter the course of fate. I love my family and was always meant to be the sister of Brett Tisdale

 

Author of the powerful memoir The Sun is Gone: A Sister Lost in Secrets, Shame and Addiction and How I Broke Free. Outspoken advocate to help eliminate the shame + stigma surrounding Addiction + Mental Health. Visit www.jodeeprouse.ca or follow on instagram @jodeeprouse

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Why Flying Private From Calgary Is Better Than Commercial

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This is a guide to flying privately from Calgary, offering everything from cost-saving tips to the perks that you can expect. 

Flying privately has always been considered a privilege of the ultra-rich. Until now. While it’s not cheap, it’s much more affordable than it has been before, thanks to a wide range of options arriving on the market and soaring airfares in the commercial sector. 

With a host of private jet services on offer at YYC Calgary International Airport, flying in style and comfort has never been more accessible — now, there are fixed-based operators, empty-leg flights, and a host of charter services you can choose from. Whether you’re hopping over to Vancouver for the weekend or flying halfway around the world, there’s a private service for you at YYC Calgary International Airport. 

Let’s get into all the reasons why flying private from Calgary is better than commercial travel. 

Calgary International Airport Can Get Too Busy 

We’re talking about Canada’s fourth-largest airport here, which processed some 18.5 million passengers in 2023 alone. If you’re travelling during the holiday season, then you can expect long queues at the check-in desk, more queues at the security checks, and longer waiting times at the gate. This can be pretty frustrating and stressful, especially if you’re travelling with children or in large groups. 

Flying in an aircraft charter from Calgary removes all of these concerns. Arrive at the airport within thirty minutes of departure, be whisked off to the private lounge at your chosen fixed-base operator, enjoy your seamless private check-in, and board your jet. It takes all the stress out of flying while elevating the most luxurious and exciting components. 

As soon as your vacation or business trip is over, all you want to do is get home and relax. Flying privately all but guarantees that you arrive on time and enjoy a hassle-free experience as soon as you land. Say goodbye to tiring customs checks or the risk of lost baggage and long delays for connecting flights. 

Flying Privately Is Easier (and Cheaper) Than You Think

Flying privately has always been seen as the ultimate flex for the ultra-wealthy — and let’s be honest, private jet ownership still is. But swapping narrow seats and crying kids for serenity at 45,000 ft is more accessible than it used to be. Thanks to some clever cost-saving innovations and rising commercial airfares, private jet travel is starting to look like a surprisingly affordable option for more people.

If you bought your own jet, you’re talking about a minimum purchase price of a few million plus nearly half a million in annual running costs. This puts ownership out of reach for most people, but there are other options. With empty-leg flights (where jets are repositioning and would otherwise fly empty), you can snag luxury flights for prices that won’t break the bank. Think hundreds instead of thousands — assuming you’re a little flexible with your schedule.

For frequent fliers, membership programs or fractional jet ownership are absolute game changers. For a flat fee, you can access planes when you need them, minus the hassle of maintenance or storage costs.

And let’s not forget charter services. Whether it’s a quick hop to a neighbouring city or a transcontinental trip, renting a jet can be cost-effective if you’re travelling with a group — remember, you’re paying for the plane, not the seat. A light jet might set you back $1,300 per hour, but divide that by a group of four travellers for a 6-hour flight, and you’re suddenly rethinking that commercial first-class ticket.

Luxury That Fits Your Schedule

YYC Calgary International Airport has 71 gates and averages almost 200 departures every day. With so much activity, cancellations and long delays are not uncommon. These can occur due to anything from maintenance issues to crew shortages. This year alone, WestJet, which operates out of Calgary, has been plagued with strikes and supply chain issues. Air Canada and WestJet also performed poorly in a list of North American airlines ranked by on-time departures. 

Why risk the doom and gloom of commercial air travel at YCC Calgary when you can just fly privately? Fly on your own schedule, guarantee swift take-offs, and arrive at your destination on time. This is even more pertinent for business travellers who can’t risk being late when important meetings and deadlines are at stake. It doesn’t just have to be for work — there are times that require quick actions and getting to places faster to be with family and friends for crucial moments, and flying privately can save you from both the bureaucracy and the wait times.

Fly Private, Fly Better

Flying private from Calgary is less about getting from A to B and more about air travel on your terms. Everything that you’ve ever hated about flying can disappear with the click of your fingers and a call to your jet broker. No matter the occasion — business trips, weekend getaways, intergenerational family vacations — private travel prioritizes the journey’s aesthetics and practicality as much as the destination. 

Once you’ve skipped the lines, breezed through customs, and sipped a coffee in your own space at 30,000 feet, you’ll never look at commercial travel the same way again. Go on, make the switch with confidence.

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How to Streamline Your Car Sales in Toronto? The Pointer for Car Sellers

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Many car owners doubt whether selling their property is worth the hassle they may face during sales. That’s reasonable because a car is not a small item, and you probably spent much on its purchase at some point and regularly invested in it to maintain it in good condition. Then, selling it for pennies is not your choice.

We went ahead and contacted Topcashforcars.ca, a company that is reputed for giving the highest cash prices for cars in Toronto. Their approach is straightforward and reduces hassle for sellers who want to sell their vehicles profitably without the complexities of dealing with customers.

Choosing the Right Counterparty Is a Key to Success

First, have you already decided where and to whom you can sell a vehicle? That’s your #1 thing to do. Typically, the choice is either selling autos to individuals who want to buy a second-market car to save some dollars or to specialized companies engaged in car buying. These companies are diverse enough and they often offer good conditions for a seller although their pricing is diverse too.

How can you get in touch with such buyers?

  • For individuals who buy second-hand vehicles, you can search on big Canadian bulletin boards online and sometimes, on social networks.
  • For the companies to deal with, Google is your best friend to ask for help. However, our consultants, Topcashforcars.ca also are among these buyers, so you can make it even easier and apply to them.

What is more beneficial for a car seller at this stage? We can surely say that dealing with car-buying companies considerably saves you time. The whole negotiation process can take a couple of hours, so you won’t wait long and remain under pressure of uncertainty. 

Making It Lighting-Fast Is Possible

The previous tip leads to another one: you can sell a car in a lighting-fast mode. Just do some easy preps like its examination at the service station to consider what price can you claim for it and clean it up. This takes no more than a day if you have a good service station in your neighborhood and it helps clearly understand the price and the condition of your car.

Then, you can ensure you set a real price by using special online calculators provided by the same car-buying companies. It may take just a couple of minutes and you’ll get a precise calculation based on your vehicle’s type, age, model, condition, and specific features. 

Getting Cash Instead of Bank Transfers or Checks Is Faster

One more thing you can do to sell your auto as fast as possible is to sell it for cash. Bank operations often take additional days to be processed. Thus, even if you are lucky enough to get in touch with a good buyer quickly, and even if you conclude a deal in a day or two, it’s not guaranteed that you get money to your bank account similarly quickly. Applying for cash transactions you avoid troubles with banks and extra commissions for the transaction too.

As you can see, selling a vehicle can be eating pears for you if you plan your sale and follow the tips we shared in this article.

If followed, these recommendations can allow you to easily sell your car and make a handsome return in the process. It is even more rewarding because time and energy has become invaluable and cash for cars, Toronto based companies and specifically Topcashforcars.ca, will ensure the vehicle is sold for the best price with little input from the owner. When selling a car, it is ideal to do enough research, plan and choose the right buyers so that the car selling process is fast and efficient.

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